Through Hardships to the Stars
by Felicity G. Silvers
Summary: Loki's been gone three months, and Steve tries to get along as if nothing has happened. Then the cats show up. (fifth per aspera ad astra story)


This it. This is the last official update to this series. This has been such a long, long time coming. Wow. I can't believe I'm finishing.

There's a handful of 'bonus' updates that will happen-things post-series and a few pre-series, but for the most part, these first five stories are the main storyline.

It's been lovely, and thank you all.

_Per Aspera ad Astra_ means 'through hardships to the stars.'

* * *

"Steve, I know you like cats, but really. Did you have to get cougars?"

Steve blinks, just in from his morning run.

"What?"

Tony rolls his eyes like Steve is being particularly obtuse, shaking his head as he leaves with coffee.

A bit hesitantly, Steve heads to his room.

XXXXXX

Steve spends nearly an hour apologizing to Freya when she shows up, and returns the two cats with as much grace as he can manage.

"I don't know why," Freya says irritably, "he thinks that he can just take them whenever it suits, as if I won't notice."

"Couldn't tell you, ma'am," Steve says, wondering if ma'am is an appropriate way to address a goddess. Freya hasn't corrected him yet, though, so he's going to stick to that.

Freya shakes her head.

"Well, I suppose at least you are polite about it. Do give him my regards when you see him next. Court life simply hasn't been the same since he left." She scratches one of the cats behind the ears, ignoring the people surrounding them that are watching the two leashed beasts warily. Not that Steve can blame them; even if they've been pretty friendly with him, they're still cougar sized and cougar shaped.

"Will do."

After Freya leaves, Steve tries calling Loki. He doesn't bother to leave a voice mail.

XXXXXX

It's been three months.

A month of that was Bruce, Tony, and Strange undoing the work Loki did that left Thor a dog. Since then, Thor's been quiet. All the same, Steve avoids him because he'd rather not be asked questions, especially since there's no debate left now that Steve lied to him about Loki.

Thor, for his part, avoids Steve too.

Steve goes about with business as usual as best he can. A few people comment that he's been at the Tower more often-which is true, he has been-and he just shrugs it off, the way he shrugs off questions of whether he's alright.

Freya's cats-favourites, as it would turn out-are the first sign Steve's had that Loki is even alive.

XXXXXX

A week after the cats, he comes back to find a necklace on his dresser made of gold with an alabaster lion pendant. It's very pretty and warm to the touch, but Steve really isn't sure what to make of it. He's not really one for jewelry. He checks around, but there's no note, so he starts to carry it in his pocket and waits. Two days later, he's at lunch with Bruce when he's confronted by a woman with light brown skin and cat-gold eyes who radiates summer sun warmth and a great deal of fury.

"Give it back," she demands, voice accented a way Steve doesn't recognize.

Bruce looks over at Steve and Steve just looks back at him helplessly.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you're talking about," Steve tells her.

The woman's eyes narrow.

"No, really," he insists, pretty sure she's going to rip his throat out with her nails.

"My aegis," she finally allows. "You have it; I know you do, I can smell it on you."

Steve knows much better than to suggest that the ability to smell metal and stone is a bit strange or even impossible.

"Oh. That. Yeah, you can have it back."

The woman scowls, eying him warily.

"Did you do anything to it?"

"No," Steve says, shaking his head. He reaches in his pocket, pulling the necklace-aegis-out and offering it to her. She snaps it up, putting it on immediately and hand finger running along the lion pendant.

"You can join us, if you like," Bruce adds, clearly curious.

The woman considers, then she smiles.

"Excellent. Is there wine?"

Bastet, as it would turn out, is very fond of wine.

XXXXXX

The cat based items stop after he gets a lion's hide and meets Hercules; while incredibly interesting, it isn't something he'd like to do again anytime soon.

Which is not to say that the gifts stop showing up.

There's a mirror which can see a great deal more than Steve thinks a mirror should be able to see, which he turns around and gives to a gentleman with black and yellow stripes painted on his face.

That's followed by a ring with the rather interesting ability to make him turn invisible, which he pretty promptly returns to the fairy queen who comes knocking.

There's a staff that changes sizes, a bow made of silver and supposedly moonlight, a book full of hieroglyphics that shift into things he can read (and he doesn't much like what he reads), and a sword Steve is about ninety percent certain is Excalibur. These, in turn, are returned to a small procession of people: a boy with a monkey tail, Artemis, a funeral director, and the bespectacled florist he first met buying lilies for Loki all those years ago.

Steve really wishes Loki would answer his damn phone.

XXXXXX

"Is there no pleasing you?" Loki asks irritably and Steve nearly falls out of the tree branch he's on. He does let go of the small flashlight he'd been holding between his teeth while he sketches, and watches as it rolls away.

Steve wouldn't call his sigh long-suffering, but it's pretty close.

Loki is looking up at him, face exaggerated irritation; if there's something smaller going on, it's too dark for Steve to tell right away while his eyes adjust.

"Hello to you too, Loki," Steve says, not getting down from the tree right away.

"I have given you kings' ransoms and you've turned it all away."

"How have you been? I've been great, meeting new people and trying new things." Steve closes the sketchbook, twisting so he's sitting on the branch like it's a swing, resting his elbows on his knees.

Loki's eyes narrow as he considers Steve.

"For instance, I've learned that the florist I bought those lilies from is actually an angel. Isn't that something?" Steve says.

"Perhaps," Loki says, a wary tension starting to creep into his shoulders, though he doesn't look any less proud or assured of himself. Steve thinks it's kind of amazing that it's been nearly four months and he still recognizes all the tiny movements that give away what Loki is actually thinking. "Why are you out here?"

"Why are you avoiding me?" Steve asks in return.

"I am not avoiding you."

Steve stares at Loki for a few minutes, the silence growing tauter by the second between them.

"I think," Steve finally says, "that is the most blatant lie you have ever told."

Loki's mouth twitches slightly with a suppressed frown.

"Look, I get it. You were wrong, but I screwed up too. I should have just told you what Thor thought, and I didn't. That's no reason for you to go around avoiding me for four months. I told you it's okay, and I meant it," Steve says. He keeps his voice calm, though he is a bit angry that Loki's stayed away over a stupid misunderstanding.

"That is not it." Loki hesitates, then turns away, staring up at the night sky that is the entire reason Steve came out into the countryside.

"Then what is it? I meant it when I said you're my friend, and you're avoiding me. I want to know why."

"Sentiment," Loki says without any real venom.

Steve snorts.

"From the guy who keeps stealing things from legend to give away as gifts." Steve hesitates. "Why don't you just let it go? Let bygones be bygones."

"No," Loki says, giving Steve a sideways look.

"Then say sorry or whatever it you need and get it done with. Stop avoiding me, start answering your phone. And if you'd rather just call it done, then call it done and stop beating around the bush."

"Is that what you want?"

"This done? No. Are you even listening to me? Do you listen to me?" Steve winces as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Of course Loki listens-there's board games and favourite foods and a lack of property damage to say as much. "Sorry. That didn't come out right."

"Why are you out here?" Loki asks again.

Steve hesitates, then gives up the conversation for now. He's not going to get an answer out of Loki that Loki doesn't want to give. Instead, he nods towards the clear, star-speckled sky above them.

"I like watching the stars, sometimes." He swallows down the memory that threatens to choke him. "When I was young, and she had the time, my mom would take me out of town and we'd go star gazing. We didn't get to go often, but I always liked it, and I think it helped her, too; reminded her of home. She grew up in the countryside, you know." When he glances back down, Loki is watching him. "It reminds me of her. So I like taking off every now and then to just sit and stargaze."

Loki glances to the sky for a moment, then back to Steve.

"Can you tell me more?" he asks.

Steve chuckles.

"If it means you won't vanish yet, sure. Climb up here."

There's something a bit ridiculous about sitting in a tree with Loki, pointing out stars and telling his mother's stories about the different constellations. Loki listens, scoffs at some of the shapes that Steve swears are actually animals, tells him about what those same stars look like from all the other places he's been. For a little while at least, it doesn't feel so different than idle conversation while they watch a movie.

"Do you have a favourite?" Loki asks.

Steve takes a second to look.

"There," he says. "A little to the left of Orion, brightest star there? That's Sirius. and then you see those others, looks a bit like a dog, doesn't it? Canis Major." Steve sketches out a rough outline of the constellation like he's been doing all night.

"I thought you preferred cats," Loki says after examining the sketch.

"I do. But you asked what was my favourite, and that's it."

Loki hums.

"You know you don't have to go, don't you?" Steve says quietly. "I don't need a gift for whatever reason it is you think I do."

"Words are cheap," Loki says firmly, "and easily said."

Steve looks to where Loki is sitting, one leg dangled off his branch, back leaned against the trunk and hands folded on his stomach. He looks over to Steve lazily, and he smiles-a real smile, small and that touches his eyes.

"Don't steal anything," Steve tells him. "As much as I've enjoyed getting a chance to meet myth, I'd really prefer not to be the one stop shop for missing items."

Loki sniffs.

"No, I'm serious. I won't keep it if you steal it."

"Very well," Loki says disdainfully. "If you insist."

Loki leaves when Steve does, vanishing in the morning light. Steve would half wonder if he imagined the whole thing if not for the sketchbook covered in quick sketches, some his, some Loki's, and a promise to return.

"Brain melt out your ears from boredom?" Tony asks when Steve gets home.

"No," Steve says with a grin.

Tony looks pretty dubious about that.

"Yeah, well, that's good. You look better at least. Less gloom and," Tony makes a gesture, "kicked puppy."

"Yeah?" Steve thinks about Loki's promise before he left. "I am."

"Does this mean the tower gets to stop being Central Station for things calling themselves myth?"

Steve thinks about that for a second.

"I hope so," he says. After all, he _did_ tell Loki he wouldn't take something stolen.

XXXXXX

Steve doesn't actually have any idea how long Loki will be before he comes back again-the promise he will come back is enough. Loki's a friend. If Loki feels a need to apologize with a gift, then Steve sees no reason to stop him (even if he doesn't think it's necessary). If he's honest, he's a bit impatient to get the waiting part done. Of course, when Loki wakes him up three weeks later at nearly two in the morning, Steve's pretty sure that it could have waited another four hours until he was awake.

Loki rubs the glass out of his hair from the cup Steve hit him with, blinking curiously at the blood staining his fingertips.

"Well then," Loki says.

Steve rubs his face, trying to get his heart to slow down some and grateful that a glass of water isn't going to cause any permanent damage.

"Sorry," he says. "You startled me."

"It is good to know you are not defenseless," Loki says, and Steve thinks about how that's probably all it means to Loki-that it's perfectly natural to be woken by surprise and attack whoever woke him up. Loki shakes his head, pacing around the room and examining it.

"Is something wrong?" Steve asks.

"No, no. Nothing." He spins on his heel to look at Steve; Steve makes himself look up at him and if he wasn't awake before he definitely is now.

"What happened to you?"

"Hm? Nothing," Loki says, waving a hand dismissively. Steve has to bite his tongue before he points out that something clearly did. Loki is _thin_, skin drawn tight and dark circles beneath his eyes like bruises. His clothes are simple, but they all but hang from him, and there's a half-mad light to his eyes, like he's been awake one too many days. He doesn't look hurt, but Steve still wonders what exactly Loki's been up to.

"There," Loki says, gesturing to the cloth wrapped thing left abandoned on the bed after Steve hit him. "Go on, open it."

Steve picks up the bundle cautiously-no telling what it is Loki's decided to bring back this time.

"I didn't borrow it," Loki says, as if that's the only reason Steve would hesitate to open a gift that Loki has very clearly gone to a great deal of trouble to acquire.

"Steal," Steve corrects. "And good." He goes to tug the cloth open.

"Wait," Loki says, then snaps his fingers. Steve tries not to wince as the lights turn on full brightness, blinking rapidly while his eyes adjust. Once he can finally see again, he glances at Loki.

"Was that really necessary?" Steve asks.

Loki shrugs.

As it would turn out, it probably was. Even with all the lights on, the thing in Steve's palm _glows_, flares and swirls and half-writhes, barely contained by... Steve has no idea. It looks like glass, but it sometimes shimmers a rainbow of greens and golds, thrumming in his hand and just barely contained.

It's probably one of the prettiest things Steve has ever seen.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful," Steve says, turning it this way and that and watching the way the light pulses. "What is it?"

"Sirius. Well, that is what you call it."

"What, like the star?"

"It is the star."

Steve looks up, staring at him.

"What?" Loki asks.

"Loki, I can't take this."

"Why not? It is not stolen-that is what you asked, is it not? You did not want something stolen. No one _owns_ that." Steve can see frustration in Loki's eyes, the other man's shoulders squaring and his jaw tightening.

"Okay, but no one can own a star."

Loki snorts, pointedly looking at the... okay, star, that's something he's going to need time to get his head around.

"You liked it well enough before you knew what it was."

"But it's a _star_. It's one of the most well-known stars on Earth, and now it's just going to vanish out of the sky-"

"In four years-"

"-and no one will know why or what happened. It's just _gone_. And what happens if this breaks? How much energy would it release, to suddenly have Sirius on Earth? I don't think there would _be_ an Earth left if that happens."

Loki frowns.

"Do your scientists not use energy to tell when a star dies?"

"What does that have to-"

"Do they?"

"Well, yes."

"Then," Loki says, with a smile, "it doesn't matter. It won't vanish, it will simply look as if it 'died,' as it were."

Steve stares.

"What? Do you think containing a star into so small a container does not create a display?"

"Okay," Steve says, glancing down at the star in his hand, tilting it and watching green ghost across the surface, "fair point. I mean, unexpected, but at least it won't just be 'star stolen out of the sky.'"

"I did not _steal_ it, stop saying that. Either stars belong to no one, or they belong to someone, and if they belong to no one I cannot steal it."

"Okay, okay," Steve says. "But that still doesn't answer my other question."

Steve looks up to find Loki staring at him, incredulous.

"You have to be the most _infuriating_ person to ever give a gift that I have ever met in my _life_," Loki says icily. "Do you _honestly_ think I would craft so poorly that it risks destroying this sorry excuse for a realm while you happen to live on it?"

"Um," Steve says.

Loki huffs and looks away.

"Why," Loki finally says, "do you not want it?"

Steve wonders if there's any way he can possibly explain the last thing that, everything else aside, keeps him from wanting to take the gift.

"Look," Steve says. "Hey, look." Loki turns again, looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes. "This is. I like it. I still like it. I appreciate it. I just. I can't keep this. I'll never-" Steve cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, and shoves his pride down. It's the least he can do. "I will never, ever be able to give you anything like this. This is so far beyond anything anyone has ever thought to give me. I've just got what I've got-cake and new board games and sometimes music I think you'll like. Little things. And this... Loki, this is huge. I haven't done anything to deserve this." He forces himself to smile past the ache-because it's true. He's always worried about the fact he can't give anything more than little things, that at best he offers food and conversation.

Loki doesn't say anything, then moves, sitting on the edge of the bed. He presses Steve's hand closed around the gift.

"Stars," Loki says calmly, meeting Steve's gaze, "symbolize faith, hope, and wishes. They serve as a light when the world is at it's darkest, a guide when the way is lost, and a companion when all is quiet. I can think of no person more worthy of this gift, nor any more blind to what they have done to deserve it."

"But-"

"But nothing," Loki says with a slight smile, tease in his voice.

Steve huffs, opening his hand.

"It really is Sirius, isn't it?" he asks, looking at it.

"I suppose," Loki says with a sly smile, "you will have to wait four years and three months to find out."

Steve can't help it-he laughs.

* * *

For those who'd like to know all the various items that showed up, in order of appearance:

-Freya's cats-are actually a thing, and they pull her chariot around.  
-the aegis - Bast was often depicted with an aegis that had a lioness on it  
-lion's hide - the hide of the Nemean lion, which Hercules won by killing said lion and is supposedly unbreakable/able to endure any weapon.  
-the mirror - is the Smoking Mirror of Tezcatlipoca (the jaguar god, among other things), used so he can see the whole cosmos  
-the ring - is the Ring of Gyges, which turns one invisible. It's Greek, but doesn't belong to one specific person, so I took a bit of liberty of it moving  
-the staff - Ruyi Jingu Bang, the Monkey King's staff, is able to change size and is pretty awesome  
-the bow - Artemis' bow, supposedly made of moonlight and silver OR made of gold  
-the book - the Book of Thoth, full of spells and knowledge  
-the sword - the flaming sword Aziraphale gave away in Good Omens

Loki is clearly kind of just guessing at a certain point, because Steve is being frustratingly obtuse about the criteria to accept a gift. Course, if he'd just _ask_ Steve...


End file.
